Our Fathers

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Pretty much sums up what I've been feeling today. I love my dad(stepfather) with all my heart, he can be a real pain in my ass but he treat me and my siblings right even though we aren't his. He has never done anything to hurt us or harm us. He only ever done what he thought to be for our well being. And for that I love him, theres nothing I need to forgive him for.

But I could write a million paragraphs on the things My father(biological) has done that I will eventually need to forgive him of. But today is not that day. I have long sense forgiven and forgot what he did to me, but I can not forgive him for what he did to my mother and my siblings. And I can not forgive him for his actions that were commented years ago that still hurt them now. He is the reason my mother gets that cold look in her eyes when she looks at me and my baby sister, we know we look just like him and we know she can't stand that. And he is the reason my older sister left at 16 and rarely ever visits unless its an emergency. And he is the reason my brother drowns him self in drugs. I can not forgive him for all that he has done. I know I should, but I can't. I haven't seen him in a little over a year, yet I still hate him like he comment his horrible acts yesterday. 


This fathers day goes to my stepdad the only real father I've ever known. 

Intake: 

B- none

L- 325

D-630

T= 955 

I need to lower that fucking number!!