all consuming

That what this is. this feeling. it all consuming. and its suffocating. and I don't know how I'm still alive. I know if I take my meds It will go away but I can't force my hand to open that fucking orange bottle. So I don't, I just keep on feeling like there's a hurricane inside my veins.

And I know this whole state of mind is unhealthy but I have no urge to eat, and feel infinitely creative so I'm just rolling with it. Going with the flow of insanity. I'm eager to see were it drops me.


4:05 am 
I should be asleep but I feel like things need to be done, theres places I need to be. Things I need to see

todays(or I guess yesterdays sense it now a new day) intake
black coffee(0), 5 grapes (18)
small salad no dressing(80) boiled egg(50)
1/2 cup of chicken noodle soup(70)
3 cucumber sticks(5?)
=223


I feel like this blog is already slipping, it barely ever about food or eating it just about me whining.