New room

My brother is moving out this week, and I'm moving into hi room. Witch is totally awesome. It bigger, has it on bathroom and is on the other side of the house as my parents room. Now I wont have to listen to them fight all the time.

Misha came over to visit this morning, he brought coffee black just the way I like it(o) scrambled eggs(115) toast with jam(130) we sat in my room and ate our breakfast on my floor. We talked and watched cartoons. I really like misha hes so fun and nice. He just amazing. He taking me to go see the new harry potter movie when it come out, we're going to the midnight showing. Also he volunteered to help me paint my new room. I love how not pushy he is about sex. I mean we kissed a little but nothing major. This is so new for me, I've only dated one person. I'm more of the one night stand kind of girl. I like this though, I like it a lot.

I'm also going over to his house later to help him unpack some stuff for his room. I'm so excited about all this. The only bad part of this is he doesn't know about my eating issues, and I'm dreading when he notices. Its killing me, because it every time I see him he brings food. I need to find some excuses for not eating.

Intake as of 1pm 245

A hot date with a Russian

I had an amazing time with Micheal on our date. We went to go see transformers 3, witch was totally awesome. Not the greatest story line(witch fyi they stole form Doctor Who) but the effect were really amazing. Then we went out for Italian at this really crazy expensive restaurant I had gnocchi(700ish) and a vanilla Italian soda(103) I had way too much to eat I had a lot of fun with Micheal. After dinner we drove around in my baby and parked at the beach, we got tea and sat in the car talking for what felt like forever, he told me his mom calls him Misha. also he speaks russian, its so pretty sounding. Isn't that name adorable,I really love it?It was really lot of fun. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun.

After spending like hours just talking I drove us home, and he kissed me on the sidewalk between our houses. I'm not gonna lie and say it was insanely romantic or anything but it was pretty hot. I'm really hoping to hang out with him again soon.

p.s I don't know if I mention mishas age but hes 19 two years older.
stay strong and most importantly stay safe.

-Kim

I wont let you break me further

my mother and stepdad have announced they're separating. they never actually got married so no need for a divorce. This news doesn't surprise me in the least. In fact I thought this day would come much sooner. Thats the only thing that surprised me, that it took this long is rather shocking. And sadly I can be fucked to care, I have other things filling my mind. None of them about my mother fucking up another relationship.

Sophia didn't want to go on our mini road trip after she found out. I'm worried about her. Shes going down the path me and Gabriel are already on. We're self destructing and I can tell shes at that tipping point. Shes about to make a huge decision that will decide the rest of her life and she doesn't even know it. Can't see that if she lets this consume her she'll never get out. I hope with all my heart she runs and gets out like our sister Hannah did, as much I resent her for it some times she did the right thing. She got the fuck away from this poison that seems to follow this family around.

On the not so fucked up side of things, my neighbor Micheal asked me out today, hes super cute and has and adorable Russian accent. He wants to take me to dinner and the movies tomorrow. I'm so excited its been ages sense I was on a proper date! I'm not sure what movie we're gonna see, actually I don't really know whats out. Do you ladies have any suggestions? God I"m getting all excited. I'm gonna fast for the day tomorrow so I wont worry to much about what I eat at dinner. And hopefully Micheal will help me burn some calories  ( ;


Still love my camera! food porn look but don't touch! and look at the weird shit Micheal drinks.

Plans for today, but not for the future.

First off I just want to say I love you girls, you made me feel wonderful with all you lovely comments on my photos! I have completely fallen in love with my camera! I can't stop taking pictures.

anyways in the food and fat news, I'm doing good I suppose. But I could be doing better that for sure. I want to be down to 110 by the end of next month.  About 18 pounds in two months seems completely reasonable. Anywho I'm off on a mini road trip, I'm driving down to LA for the day with my little sis Sophia I think we might go to Disney land.

Intake:
11:00-5 strawberries(10)

I need to get a job of my own and stop mooching off my parents, and my bank account. I was in an accident when I was little so I have a lovely sum of money of my own. Still I need a job now that I'm out of high school. I need to pay to go to collage or something, shit I have no plans for the future but I really need to make some soon!

No thinspo today just pictures I took myself. The bottom two are my brother Gabriel and sister Sophia. My brother looks like a douche, I'm glad we look nothing alike. and my sister dyed her hair a few months back, I really wish she hadn't she had really beautiful golden brown hair. But I know she hated having the same hair as our father(biological)

Me!!

So it me, I decided to give you a face to the words. Also I got a new camera and absolutely love it so I'm takin' pictures of everything.

losing it!

125.8 pounds! 
Fasting for the rest of the day.
Intake:130

Fucking 4th of july

So surprise surprise, I fucked up major tonight.

First I ate like a fucking pig. My mom made this delicious disgusting desert called cake ball, basically their ball of cake dipped in chocolate. And guess what I ate four of them, then I proceeded to eat a mocha cupcake and shaved ice. God I'm disgusting.

Then When we got home at like 11ish ever one went to bed, I went to the bathroom and purged. Something I haven't done in ages. I feel amazing. And I know how dangerous it is to think this way, but fuck I feel so light and clean. I also apparently started smoking again. Fuck I thought I was over these habits, but I guess I'm not very good at giving up bad habits.

Ugh this is all so fucked up. On one hand I want to be skinny and I know this isn't just about my looks, I know its an illness or whatever, but fuck if I don't feel so amazing. But on the other hand I don't want to disappoint every one again.

No ya know what I already am a disappointment, I'm gonna do as I please!

sorry for this rambling post I'm gonna go brush my teeth now. Cigarettes and iced tea does not make for a fresh mouth.